Piggy's Journal: In her Mind!!

Journal,
It's been a minute. I just don't have the time these days to get my thoughts out on paper. Um not sleeping. I toss and turn all night long. Haven't posted in a while. Soo let's catch up. I'm now King of Houston. I did tht. I took Ivory Albro off the throne! I got back up with Tameika. I survived a car bombing and I killed Drell. We reconnected. Fell in love. He betrayed me. I killed him. My piglet is growing leaps and bounds. I don't get to spend much time with him and thts been bothering me. I do all this for him. I met a jarhead who treated me like a lady. I still think abt tht night. It went from nice to steamy to great to me killing four niggas. This was only our first date. He was gentle with me. I didn't have to be hard. He held my hand and I didn't feel like he was trying to get in my pants so much. I hadn't talked to him since. I mean I can't really blame him. Tht was a lot at one time. I think abt him alot. Then there's Tosha Wilson. Yeah I popped her brother tht night. She sent them after me. Wht the hell was I supposed to do? Um king now and no one can undermine me! But I expected shit like this to happen after I let Starsha Danielle live. So she better be on her P's and Q's. I won't be as sweet next time. I feel bad tht I've got my buddy Meika B in the middle of my drama. I gotta take care of her because she's been down with me and starting the Embassy. Oh whts the Embassy? Well the Embassy is an organization of some of the baddest women the state of Texas has to offer! We all bring something to the table. I'm taking time to cultivate tht. I am concerned abt my Mattie Mae. She goes off by herself for hours lately. When she come back, she looks so tired. I promise this week Um going to make time for just me and her. She's a part of me and I know tht she prays night and day day and night for me. I need her. I want her to be front and center when I get married again. When I decide to have more children I want them to know her. Life is funny tht way. My Mattie Mae love me unconditionally just as my own mother does. I knew tht many of the wrinkles on her beautiful face had come frm me. From tht day she first saw me kill tht mf who had come into my home, I knew tht she prayed tirelessly for my soul. I can't imagine wht she went through while I laid in the hospital. You know most people don't believe I have any remorse for the things I've done. Honestly, I wish it didn't have to be this way. Nobody knows abt the sleepless nights. Um always looking over my shoulder. I shower and sleep with my pistol. I feel like don't nobody really love me. If they do it comes with conditions. Shoes. They transform me. I can't explain it. My habit is beyond out of control.I was heartless before the accident but now I feel like anybody can get it now. Thts not good tht I feel this way. Um on my knees constantly praying but I don't think God hears me. Any consolation, I haven't done anything against anyone who didn't deserve it. The ironic thing abt tht last statement is tht I know tht nobody has made me judge. They say one day we'll all pay for our sins. Royally. Hell I think I'm paying for mine daily right now. I think abt the wht ifs. The men who remain constant in my life. The men who I think abt as more than friends and then I feel like love is for squares. I have a greater purpose. I'm shaking now thinking abt a pair of Miu Miu satin pumps. Unopened in my closet. Several times I've taken tht chrome .40 of mine to my temple. I slip on a pair of Louboutins and start trippin. I masturbate and see shades and hues of red. So Um off to those Mius Mius and hope tht sleep come easy.

Piggy Monroe :@)